Striking it rich only once in a life-time? Ha! Millions of dollars and euros are bestowed on me every single day by email! Just like that! By total strangers such as you. So, it’s about time for me to say thank-you. To you, „Dr. Tobruqui al Benghazi“, high ranking official of Libya (95 million USD), to „Pandle Swallow“, trusted attorney of the Ivory-Coast business mogul who perished together with his family in a fire disaster (50m), to „John Christopher“ from the US lottery (450,000m), to „Daniel Kroklokwafz“ and „Xin Pling Chi“ from Hong Kong (500,000m each), to Barrister „Franz Mlojeek“ for reminding me of 15m USD lying dormant at a Royal Bank somewhere, to „Dr. Giles Comtrade“ from the “World Bank” saying that my idling 1,8m USD are waiting to be claimed, and to „Garda Giardino“ for letting me know that “United Nations” grants me 500,000 USD, for what merit I’m not sure. I do deserve it, though. It’s absolutely impossible to give credit to the many hundreds of you who have made my well-being your creed.
Bingo!
What a lucky duck I am. Scrooge himself would be jealous of me. Now that I am filthily rich, I can wallow in wads of banknotes without having to write my fingers to the bone any longer to make a living. Owing to your profuse collective generosity, dear benefactors, I earn lots of cash in my sleep: good-doers such as you give with open hands.
Or haven’t I read your letter properly? Nah, why waver: you simply love me better than you love the rest of the world! That’s the only reasonable explanation for my being chosen the sole “winner” every so often.
After all: who was the first person on the entire planet you considered sharing your vast funds or newly gained affluence with? Yep: me!
From rags to riches
Your story, Ashanda Adelphi, touches me most deeply. A devastated orphan, you inherited some 42 million USD from the childless Nigerian uncle of a great-grand-sister on her father-in-law’s brother’s side who accumulated riches dealing in the oil industry and who passed away having succumbed to cancers unheard of plus to a severe heart attack accompanied by a lethal stroke and who – a jaded shadow of himself, stretched out on his gilded death-bed – handed over a clandestine document to you which, to your utter surprise, declares you the solitary heir to an immense fortune stashed away in a rusted barrel once holding crude and now safely buried in tropical African soil.
Oops! Wrong! It says here that the bounty is deposited on a regular bank account. Even the better. But, too bad, you cannot get hold of your bucks without me! Poor thing. I must help you out of your predicament, that’s the least I can do to express my gratitude towards your magnanimous financial bequest: 30 per cent of the total sum for virtually nothing in return! And, what could be phishy about opening a legal bank account in my name in Germany so that you can rescue your piles of petro dough from the grip of greedy authorities?
You know, I really treasure the blessings you all shower upon me. God must know me well by now. Please do keep it up.
But then again: why wouldn’t you carry on? As long as I don’t click these links you are so selflessly persuading me to activate, there will never be a shortage of blessings – as there will never be a shortage of the likes of you!
Note from the editor:
The names in the introduction have been exchanged for phantasy ones. Why?
Because fraud mails are often disseminated by abusing proper identities of existing people!
Images: ©Christina Feyerke